It Takes a Tribe
I remember as a child making friends was almost effortless. At the tender ages of 3-11, if a kid on the playground was at the same eye level as me, a friendship was inevitable. Until the 5th grade, the birthday party circuit was exhausting for kids and parents alike, and every homemade Valentine's Day mailbox was stuffed full of February affirmations. Kids could find a reason to bond just because they were kids.
Eventually adolescence would come knocking, and we would all begin to develop biases toward religion, clothes, hairstyles, family dynamics, and socioeconomic status. Friends would begin to drift in and out, and our "BEST FRIEND" in the second grade would be a stranger by the time middle school began.
When we were small, we talked about our favorite toys, our pets, our favorite cartoons, and how much we loved Christmas. It was simple, and I had no idea how complex life would become.
When puberty arrived, our bodies and minds began to change, our parents somehow became irritating and unbelievably stupid, and our brains stopped processing the simplest of ideas. The girls who developed early were judged, the boys who developed late were tormented, those with athletic abilities found their identity in sports, the smart kids began to shine academically, and the kids who did not fit in hopefully found each other. Our friend groups would expand superficially and shrink unexpectedly.
Forming friendships takes a lot of time and uncomfortable vulnerability, and I am not always able to match the energy of others.
I spent much of my adult years settling for friendships that may have seemed genuine on the surface (or through the social media lens). But I found myself emotionally depleted and lonely by holding on to attachments that did not meet my needs, feed my curiosity, challenge my intellect, or inspire me.
Several months ago, I took a chance and began seeking out and cultivating friendships with other women, and it has been the most positive thing I have done for myself in a long time. The beautiful part of this journey is the people I have been drawn to are also drawn to each other. A network of positivity, inclusion, and support has been created, and it exists because we all equally contribute and maintain the bond. The more we give, the better it becomes, and the more we have to offer each other. It works because we work together. We are a tribe. We are a symbiotic collection of souls who somehow found each other and created an equitable bond for which I am grateful. We have all been on journeys of heartbreak, triumph, adventure, and chaos and somehow found each other.
We may not choose our relatives, but we get to choose our family – and they choose us in return. For the first time in a long time, I genuinely feel like a part of something that is also a part of me. I have connection and communication that is positive, fun, and poignant. My good mornings and good nights are not anchored by a single romantic connection but by multiple spiritual bonds that have given me more than any temporary man has ever promised.
To L, R, and D – you make every day a gift and I love our adventures. You have offered me a safe space to heal, grow, laugh, and cry. You have allowed me to exist as I am, and the opportunity to showcase all of my unapologetic imperfections. You helped carry me home to myself.
It took a tribe to save my life. You are my people. You are my heart. You are my family.